Shirley’s Story

Shirley remembers feeling insecure from a very young age. “I remember being dropped off for preschool and being afraid that my family would abandon me. The teacher had to call my mom to come back and pick me up because I was crying so hard I would get sick,” she recalls.

Growing up in a large family with seven other children, it was hard for her to get her voice heard. To counteract these feelings of insecurity and insignificance, she became very active at school in sports, theater, and academics. In high school she even earned a scholarship to college.

It all came crashing down when she found out she was pregnant.

“I was disappointed,” Shirley relates, “I was scared to tell my family because I didn’t want to disappoint them.”

Depression soon overcame Shirley, and she attempted suicide. “It was during this time at the hospital that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Suddenly my past feelings started to make more sense.”

In an effort to try to cheer her up, Shirley’s friends would take her out at night, which often led to drinking. This marked a turning point for her substance use.

“Before I might sneak a drink here and there at home, but when I started going out with my friends I drank more. I was introduced to cocaine and, at the beginning, it was a relief. Suddenly I didn’t have to feel anymore.”

Shirley’s substance use quickly turned into substance abuse as she tried to numb the pain of her past. During this time she had three sons, and used during each of her pregnancies. She admits to being a neglectful mother in the grips of her addiction, looking back now to see that she only did the minimum for her family.

“I would only pay the minimum amount on bills and the rest on drugs. I would buy my children toys, sometimes, if I wanted to hear them say, ‘I love you.’”

One night Shirley had a nightmare that she was dying. During the dream, a hand reached down and helped her up.

“I took that as a sign and went to my brother’s house the next morning. I told him I needed to get help, and he helped me get to Meta House.”  

Shirley’s sister took care of her children when she began her treatment. A few months later, she called and told Shirley that the youngest son, Jamal, would have to come live with her in treatment. “I was angry at first,” she remembers, “I thought treatment was for me to get help, but, looking back, having my son with me was the most wonderful thing that could have happened.”

Together at Meta House, Shirley and her son received counseling. She took parenting classes, and Meta House staff worked with her on parenting techniques and teaching her the tools she needed to become a good mother. “It was wonderful to have my son with me, because I got to practice and implement all of the things I was learning as I was learning them. When we moved into Meta Housing and my other sons joined us, we got to grow together as a family.”

Now Shirley and her sons, ages 20, 16, and 7, live together and know the joy, laughter, and, sometimes, even difficulty of being a family. “We go through our ups and downs,” Shirley relates, “but the biggest difference I saw in my relationship with my children after I got treatment is that we laugh together. They still get mad at me sometimes, and I get mad at them, but we can also end up laughing during an argument, and that, I think, is the best thing.”